Stillness Is The Key by Ryan Holiday

Patrons of Sunchaser, I suppose, do not need any introduction to Ryan Holiday. He is famous from his propagation of Stoic philosophy and has written several books on the topic.

His podcast “The Daily Stoic” is a good one and whose listeners I count myself among. What often surprises me (though I have known this for many years now) that Ryan worked a marketing job before becoming known for his work on Stoicism, and has also written books like “Trust me I’m lying” and “Growth Hacker Marketing“.

Quite the career shift, one can say.

As I crack open this book, I predict “Stillness Is the Key” is going to be about techniques that you can use to stay calm and take balanced decisions.

It is going to connect Stoic philosophy to keeping a level head. It should talk about how there is often much we cannot control so gaping aghast when things do not go our way does not behoove a mature, seasoned person.

And I think it is going to talk about why being balanced and not prone to extreme emotions is a good thing to cultivate in oneself. Let’s see.

According to the dictionary: The absence of movement or sound.

According to Ryan Holiday: “To be steady while the world spins around you. To act without frenzy. To hear only what needs to be heard. To possess quietude—exterior and interior—on command“.

I suppose what he is trying to say that it is important to be able to keep a still mind so that you can be at peace in this life (very important) and can focus on what truly matters (also important).

Several emphatic scenarios follow in the introductory chapter where he makes the case, including Lincoln’s focus on obtaining Vicksburg as a decisive stratagem in the American Civil War.

Yes, I suppose stillness can be important to oneself.

Then he promises “This Stillness Can Be Yours“: How? By inculcating stillness in the mind, soul, and body. All three are required for stillness. And that is what the rest of the book is, one section each that advises how to obtain stillness of the head (mind), heart (soul), and flesh (body).

Keep cool and do not overthink

Be patient, buy/take time, stop your trigger finger, avoid conniption, don’t listen to the monkey mind (if only it were that simple), think deeply but do not overthink.

The author gives the example of the Cuban missile crisis where Kennedy’s wise, calm and yet firm approach prompted Khrushchev to withdraw the missiles. And Shawn Green’s six for six against the Brewer’s on 23rd May 2002 as he kept his negative self talk at bay.

Be present

Don’t brood over the past, don’t fret over the future.

Having a great time, steep yourself in it, it will soon be over.

Having a bad time, try to full immerse yourself in that too, it will not last long.

Basically, be here now.

That is the only correct way to live. No time lived in the present is lost, only that which is sacrificed at the altar of an imaginary future or a past never to return.

Put it on paper

Start a journal.

Do not put yourself under an artificial deadline like “I will write every day”, keep it flexible and write only when you feel like writing.

But write honestly and do not hold back.

Do not focus too much on getting it “right”, like the right time, the right app/notebook, the right place, the right opportunity. Just do it. Journalling allows us to slow down and think coherently. It is a form of therapy.

Yeah, especially these days, am I right? “There is ego in trying to stay up on everything“, indeed.

You do not need to be updated on everything, especially the 24-hours a day, 7-days a week cycle of “breaking” “news”.

Focus on what really matters to you (assuming you’ve first introspected on what matters to you) and then systematically remove distractions that take you away from it.

You are entitled to a undistracted, peaceful yet determined chase of your choosing.

“… fewer alerts and notifications … blocking incoming texts with the Do Not Disturb function and funneling emails to subfolders … questioning that “open door” policy, or even where you live … pushing away selfish people who bring needless drama into our lives.“.

Also, schedule regular downtime to rejuvenate and recharge.

Books (nonfiction) are so cool. They’re basically the most important parts, the essence, of someone’s experience on a topic.

Several decades of experience condensed into a month of reading. What better ROI on our time could there be? One should make use of them.

Many books are veritable masterpieces, and one can find at least one masterpiece in most popular domains.

Better reading is when you do it with an open mind, avoid echo chambers and seek to find ideas different or counter (provided they are intelligently backed) to what you hold to be true.

“Wrestle with big questions. Wrestle with big ideas. Treat your brain like the muscle that it is. Get stronger through resistance and exposure and training.“.

Invested in life, but not attached to it

Life is much better when you play it for the love of the game and not for the glory of the win.

Play it fully, steep yourself in it, give it your all, but do not be attached to how it goes.

That way you keep your ego small, recover from setbacks faster, are more present, tend to carry less baggage, live authentically, and are generally happier through it all.

The author calls this “choosing virtue“.

It is about asking oneself: “What do I stand for?” and then holding on to that standard.

“Moral compass” is a word often used here: a set of beliefs or values that help guide ethical decisions, judgments, and behaviour.

This action of active choice brings the peace and comfort of knowing that while the world might be a chaotic place, we bring some order to it through deliberate choice.

When we decide honestly and intelligently for ourselves what is right and what is not, we give ourselves the gift of peace during times of ethical dilemmas.

Even in more mundane settings, on a day to day, we are not pulled and prodded by the various attractions that life dangles in front of us and instead to act in the ways we have decided are right for us.

There is something called “Adverse Childhood Event” scale (ACE) that checks how tough your childhood was.

And the tougher our childhood is (unloved, uncared for, ignored, harmed, abused and so on) we more baggage from that we carry into our adulthood.

This baggage then manifests in all sorts of bad like Tiger Woods’ infidelity scandal and Leonardo DaVinci’s “insatiable drive for an unconditional patron“. There are more famous examples and then there are the countless millions of regular people whose inner child was hurt and scarred in some way.

We have to drop the old story, we have to move on, we have to be the change.

Transience, impermanence. The pleasure, the glory, the fun, never lasts.

Yet, we make our lives tough and sometimes downright miserable in the chase of these fleeting experiences. We sacrifice our stillness.

Indeed, true freedom is the freedom from desire (and its partner, aversion).

Reminds me of a powerful quote from the Gita, chapter 2, verse 14: “O son of Kunti, the contact between the senses and their objects gives rise to fleeting feelings of heat and cold, pleasure and pain. They come and go like the seasons. Learn to transcend them, O descendant of Bharat.“.

“To have an impulse and to resist it, to sit with it and examine it, to let it pass by like a bad smell—this is how we develop spiritual strength.“

Indeed something that I continue to grapple with myself, as the world pelts upon me desire after desire.

But there have been moments of clarity when I see that what I have is enough, more than enough. And then stillness. And then peace.

I suppose one could combine this with the earlier point of having a moral code, that is, your code should help separate not only the bad from the good but also the lack from the plenty.

“Feeling satisfied with yourself and your work? What gift!“

See how consumer culture works today, in every marketing spiel is the underlying message “you are not enough”.

And so many of us fall prey to it, so many of us are wasting away our lives, thinking that peace is on the other side of the object of desire. It is not. It is right here, right now.

Choose to see the beauty in all things

“See the world as the temple that it is. Let every experience be churchlike. Marvel at the fact that any of this exists—that you exist. Even when we are killing each other in pointless wars, even when we are killing ourselves with pointless work, we can stop and bathe in the beauty that surrounds us, always.“

Cultivate honest relationships

They can be a source of immense strength and meaning. Family, close friend, life is best enjoyed with them. Give people a honest chance but cut out those who bring you down (esp. deliberately).

Conquer your anger

“If history is any indication, leaders, artists, generals, and athletes who are driven primarily by anger not only tend to fail over a long enough timeline, but they tend to be miserable even if they don’t.“.

Either you have already been humbled by life into doing this or you will eventually.

Better to do it earlier than later.

Our modern lives are good at giving us a false sense of control. And indeed there are countless areas where we have gained real control due to progress in science, technology and our understanding of how the material world works and interacts.

But let not this small degree of control have you thinking that we (or you) are all powerful.

Every day man is reminded of who is boss.

In a letter I once wrote my past self, I advised him to “leave it up to God” after a point.

Sound advice, if I may say so myself.

Eventually, one realises that life is about selflessness and surrender. Whether you do that through Karma Yoga, or Bhakti Yoga or any other way laid out by the many great philosophical traditions.

Peace comes from not having to carry the burden of all outcomes and asking God for a helping hand. Indeed there are many who through their faith in a higher power have endured significant hardship.

God not your jam?

Okay, there is karma, universe, fate, Lady Luck, Mother Nature, the creator of the laws of physics, or the laws themselves.

But you have to believe in something.

Something bigger than yourself.

Why? Well readers of Sunchaser would probably not be happy with the answer: “Because life otherwise gets meaningless”.

No, Sunchasers would want an answer that stands on its own two feet than cowardly using fear as a crutch.

So the answer is actually a question: “Because given a choice between a life that stood for faith and meaning, or one devoid of it. Which one would you choose?’.

Faith and belief are good in themselves. Believe in something.

The pleasure you feel has been felt by countless millions through history. The pain you feel has been felt by countless millions through history. We are all in this together. We all hurt, we all laugh, we all laugh, we all feel.

“No one is alone, in suffering or in joy. Down the street, across the ocean, in another language, someone else is experiencing nearly the exact same thing. It has always been and always will be thus.“

Pick any ancient scripture and this will resonate – We are all one. Pick and science book and this will resonate – We are all (made of the) one (and the same thing).

“The less we are convinced of our exceptionalism, the greater ability we have to understand and contribute to our environment, the less blindly driven we are by our own needs, the more clearly we can appreciate the needs of those around us, the more we can appreciate the larger ecosystem of which we are a part.“

So, be kind. Forgive those who hurt your inner child when you were little, and forgive those who hurt you in adulthood. They too, were human.

You do not have unlimited time, neither unlimited energy.

That’s fine, because you do not have to say yes to everything.

Indeed, this is something yours truly does well, if he may so so himself.

Being very careful and deliberate about the things (and people) that enter your life and the activities you commit to is very beneficial over the long term.

It allows one to focus on what really matters to them.

Ask yourself (esp. for committing to doing something consistently):

1. Do I really need to do it?
2. Do I want to do it?
3. Will I want to do it again?
4. Beyond time, what else does this cost me – peace, money, health?
5. What is the opportunity cost?

Take a walk

The author talks about many famous figures that had a flash of insight while walking or used walking as a method to lessen anxiety and increase clarity.

You can add my name to the list as well. When I am struggling with something or down in the dumps I too get this urge to go and walk it out. It comes almost naturally to me. I’d imagine that is how it happens with others too.

A walk where you are just walking is like “stillness in motion”. What? How meta is that? Let me try and elucidate.

When we walk with the sole purpose of walking and observing and being aware of only the things (nature, hopefully) around us we allow the mind to get rest.

The mind gets a break while the well practiced, subconsciously ingrained motions of ambulation provide just enough change of scenery to keep us from boredom that would again have the mind looking for something to think about at which point it’d have gone back to what it was worrying about.

Discipline is freedom

Jocko Willink said this, and basically this is what the author is telling the reader to do. To have discipline in life, discipline that will manifest in daily routines and rituals.

Through these rituals we will free ourselves from the time wasted on thinking about the banal (“what shirt should I wear today?” or “should I have just one beer?”) and the significant (“should I work out today?” or “should I save some money from this pay check?”).

Plus, most every achievement in life is a result of consistency compounding on itself, and there is nothing that get’s consistency going like a sanctified ritual.

Do you own your things or do your things own you?

The author recommends (without calling it the name) minimalism. “Just as every hoarder becomes trapped by their own garbage, so too are we tied down by what we own.“.

To the state the obvious, it’s not the luxury that is the problem, but the attachment. And the thing about our friend the monkey mind is that when it starts getting fancy things it becomes attached to them and scares at their loss. Hedonic adaptation it is called.

That is why the philosophers and sages call for a deliberate and wilful reduction in material things beyond that what is truly needed for the great work of one’s life. It’s like forcing the monkey mind to accept that it does not really need all those things.

Whether you do spring cleaning once a year or don’t even buy the stuff in the first place. living a minimalist life is important for stillness.

Schedule alone time

In which you reflect without a schedule. Where you are not on the clock.

“Do not mistake this for some kind of vacation. It is hard work—long days, some without sleep. It is wrestling with complex topics, contradictory ideas, and identity-challenging concepts.“.

Yes, this time can be hard work, but it is still your time – time to think, time that is not encroached upon by the world.

Be careful not to overwork yourself

“Work will not set you free. It will kill you if you’re not careful.“.

Guard your sleep

Readers of Sunchaser will not need much context here. Sleep is very, very important to us – to our health, to the quality of our work, to our sanity. If it were not, evolution would have weeded it out a long time ago.

Have a hobby that allows you to recharge and take a break when life gets too much.

The author observes correctly “… you can’t flee despair. You can’t escape, with your body, problems that exist in your mind and soul.“.

As I can personally and emphatically attest, escapism is not the answer.

The answer is to bravely face it, call a spade a spade, accept reality and be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do.

Still should not be confused with just talking a good game while doing nothing to live the ideals one preaches.

What is required that we use the clarity and the energy that comes from stillness to do good work.

The author asks “What is better? To live as a coward or to die a hero?” – To me, the answer is clear.

Feeling good requires doing good. Well done is better than well said. Action is the antidote to anxiety.

• No, we need to be strong enough to resist thinking that is too neat, too plausible, and therefore almost always wrong.
• Remember, there’s no greatness in the future. Or clarity. Or insight. Or happiness. Or peace. There is only this moment.
• Don’t reject a difficult or boring moment because it is not exactly what you want. Don’t waste a beautiful moment because you are insecure or shy. Make what you can of what you have been given. Live what can be lived. That’s what excellence is. That’s what presence makes possible.
• Yes, thinking is essential. Expert knowledge is undoubtedly key to the success of any leader or athlete or artist. The problem is that, unthinkingly, we think too much.
• Whatever you face, whatever you’re doing will require, first and foremost, that you don’t defeat yourself. That you don’t make it harder by overthinking, by needless doubts, or by second-guessing.
• We have to get better at thinking, deliberately and intentionally, about the big questions.

• People who don’t read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
• You will never feel okay by way of external accomplishments. Enough comes from the inside.
• Nihilism is a fragile strategy. It’s always the nihilists who seem to go crazy or kill themselves when life gets hard. (Or, more recently, are so afraid of dying that they obsess about living forever.) Why is that? Because the nihilist is forced to wrestle with the immense complexity and difficulty and potential emptiness of life (and death) with nothing but their own mind. This is a comically unfair mismatch.
• … everyone is necessary. Even the people you don’t like. Even the ones who really piss you off. Even the people wasting their lives, cheating, or breaking the rules are part of the larger equation. We can appreciate—or at least sympathize with—them, rather than try to fight or change them.
• The moon you’re looking at tonight is the same moon you looked at as a scared young boy or girl, it’s the same you’ll look at when you’re older—in moments of joy and in pain—and it’s the same that your children will look at in their own moments and their own lives.

• When you step back from the enormity of your own immediate experience—whatever it is—you are able to see the experience of others and either connect with them or lessen the intensity of your own pain.
• Life does that to us. It kicks our ass.
• No one can afford to neglect the final domain in our journey to stillness. What we do with our bodies. What we put in our bodies. Where we dwell. What kind of routine and schedule we keep. How we find leisure and relief from the pressures of life.
• The best car is not the one that turns the most heads, but the one you have to worry about the least … Don’t use your money to purchase loneliness, or headaches, or status anxiety.
• Take action. Get out from under all your stuff. Get rid of it. Give away what you don’t need.
• Stillness is not an excuse to withdraw from the affairs of the world. Quite the opposite—it’s a tool to let you do more good for more people.
• A person who makes selfish choices or acts contrary to their conscience will never be at peace.

Fairly straightforward you know, this is “Meaningful life 101” (when I am in like “301”).

So I found myself writing just from the chapter name, and then checking on the actual text later whether I got it broadly right.

What I love about Ryan’s writing in this book is that he pulls no punches.

Giving it left, right and centre to all these people whom we admire as übermensch – Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Seneca, Leonardo DaVinci, JFK – no one is spared.

Nice and easy read, no convoluted delivery. Real humans facing real problems and some of them getting out of them.

It is an honest book, and that is something to admire even if the content was something I already sort of knew.

Is it a good book?

Well, the lessons are strong and provided one is able to implement them, the results profound.

So, in a way, yes, it’s a good book when lived.

–

Aviral Prakash

17/08/2024